I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
