dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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