I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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