at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
