Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
