im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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