his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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