He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
