I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your cock deserves a montage
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
