I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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