Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
