It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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