There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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