Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
