actually, I'm a sock model
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
