Soap is not a condiment
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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