Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
