apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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