return my video game
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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