Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
