He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
