i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
