It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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