So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
