Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
