We got so high we made milksteak
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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