How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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