AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
