so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
