Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
