Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
