I'm jealous of your bromance
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
