CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
