I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
