i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
