DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize