I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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