these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
