I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize