Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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