I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
