Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
