Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
