I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
