In the future we'll all be gay
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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