i just snorted my name. best moment ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
