2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
