So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is the high leading the old right now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
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Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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