Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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