i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
