McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
