He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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