i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
