I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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