i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
