I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is wine microwaveable?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
