If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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