Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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