WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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