Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
