Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
