life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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