help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I could fuck to npr.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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