that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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