just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need a burrito and a hug.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
