It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
