i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
