We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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