im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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