dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
