if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
